The Perfect Pint
Sometimes I daydream about being the landlord of a free house. What beers would I sell? Who would patronise it? Of course, running a pub would be far to much like hard work for a retired person such as myself and I suspect that my boozing would get out of hand and the profits decline drastically. However I have got round to illustrating what my perfect pub would be like. Naturally things such as the beer range can change week by week so do look in again at 'The Perfect Pint' public house.
BEERS AVAILABLE
LEATHERBREECHES BELTER (4.4%)
(abv 4%)
CALEDONIAN XPA
(abv 4.3%)
STRONGER BEERS WILL RETURN IN AUTUMN
PUB NOTICES
Visit our night club 'Fumes' and give yourself cancer.
Fit and able customers are asked to give up their seats to those who are unable to stand without spilling their beer.
This pub is a non-vegan zone.
Our pub garden is open to the public, please refrain from relieving yourself over the petunias.
Wine will ony be served to ladies and pensioners. If you don't like that piss off elsewhere.
With the exception of Guide dogs all hounds, budgies, cats, parrots, frogs, reptiles and welsh people are BARRED!
This pub is not run for the convenience of patrons, so if you have to wait for service whilst the owner finishes his pint just be patient!
This pub does not provide air feshener for the bog, use the simple expedient of opening a window.
This pub does not serve Marston's Pedigree. If you want to drink this uninteresting and bland beer there are plenty of outlets locally that I am sure will suit your taste. Continuing to ask for it here will result in a ban. It is my pub and my rules so there!
